Lessons We Can Learn From the Chad Johnson and Evelyn Lozada Debacle

Evelyn Lozada Chad Johnson

Lessons From Evelyn Lozada & Chad Johnson Debacle

In case you missed it Chad Johnson (formerly Ochocinco) and his reality TV wife, Evelyn Lozada got into a major altercation this past weekend, that ended with Johnson being arrested for domestic violence and being cut from the Miami Dolphins, ending (permanently?) his attempt at resurrecting his career.

Chad Johnson Evelyn Lozada

When I initially heard about the story on a friend’s Facebook wall, all I could thinks was: Desperation is never a good look.

And I’ll say it again: Desperation is never a good look.

Let’s be clear, Evelyn was a desperate woman. She was desperate to be married. She was desperate to marry a baller. She was desperate to prove to the world she was more than just a groupie chick, famously engaged to a now broke baller who never walked her down the aisle despite them being together for 10/12 years.

Someone (important) was going to marry her damnit, and it didn’t matter if it was the worst possible match in the world. She was gonna walk down that aisle and destroy (Jennifer Williams, family) anyone who suggested that this marriage might not be a good idea.

Well, she got what she wanted, and apparently much more than she wanted if you are to believe the police reports on the situation. The ironic part of the whole incident is that it allegedly took place because she found a condom receipt in the car.

Considering she is the same woman who made a tearful plea on the last season of Basketball Wives for Chad to tell her if he was going to cheat and to buy condoms to stay safe – itseems like he upheld his end of the bargain. I guess an open relationship is not what she thought it would be.

And that brings me back to my original point of Evelyn‘s desperation. She was so desperate to be married that she agreed, no encouraged, an open relationship that she clearly never wanted. So desperate for a man that she agreed to share him on national TV, only to find out the reality of the decision wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

So how does Evelyn‘s drama apply to the average, non-reality TV stars among us. Simple – many women, particularly when they reach a certain age (Evelyn is 36), have this “get married or bust” attitude. Regardless of accomplishments, there life isn’t complete unless they have a man of their own.

Maybe they’re in competition with another relative who is married, with kids and seems to be living the American dream. Maybe their eggs are ticking loudly and they desperately want kids and want to be married before they have them.

Whatever the reason, the end result is often the same: a woman making a really horrible choice about one of life’s most important decisions and often paying dearly for it.

It’s never good to make life decisions from a desperate place.  And too often (some) women view getting married like they just won a gold medal in the Olympics: a culmination of years of hard work and dedication, with little thought to what happens after.

I don’t wish domestic violence on anyone. But I do wish more women would not let societal and familial pressure or their own insecurities lead them to make really awful decisions regarding who they will spend their lives with.

Most domestic drama doesn’t end up as national news as fodder for bloggers and any and everyone with a social media page to dissect and discuss ad-nauseum, but it doesn’t make it any less serious for those who find themselves on the wrong side of the drama.

  1. My Dating Hangovers 8 years ago

    If it isn’t the overzealous desire for the ring and hyphenated name, it’s the longing for something in the womb. I’ll be the first to admit that a few years ago, I probably would have had the “whatever it takes” mentality as well because something in my head told me (along with societal norms and expectations) that I should have been happily married by the age of 30.

    Fortunately, the realist in me said it will happen when the man is right, at the right time. As a result of this smarter thought process, I soon found that I had been settling with the types of men who were wrong for me or just plain rotten to the core all in the interest of working towards the woman’s fantasy. To hell with that! Naturally, being a lot more selective and not letting things and behaviors that are absolute deal breakers has caused me to be single once again as of the last couple of months.

    You bring up some good points here- Evelyn wanted the lifestyle that she was portraying on reality tv. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had “accidentally bumped” heads with her or intentionally punch her in the mouth. What’s interesting to me is that she’s a lot of mouth and as last season’s episode portrayed, a bottle throwing hothead, yet was afraid enough to seek help from a neighbor over an altercation she initiated by questioning her man about condoms. Guess that bark was louder than the bite, and while I will never condone a man laying hands on a woman, we don’t know all that went on that led up to this events.

    Thanks for making this a learning lesson and conversation piece.

    • Author

      I definitely understand where you are coming from. I recently realized I was making poor decisions in dating partners – not necessarily because I wanted to be married – but because I didn’t want to be “the old woman in the club” so to speak. At 32 the dating process was just UGGGHHHHH and I didn’t want any parts of it anymore – so I was constantly trying to make something out of nothing. After the last of the nothings proved just how nothing he was…yeah I realized that wasn’t a good idea. Making decisions from a place of power/comfort/security is definitely the way to go.

  2. Jay Fingers 8 years ago

    I feel sorry for none of these people.

    That’s all.

  3. Sista42 8 years ago

    Thank you for mentioning the average everday women who make poor desions out of deperation. While I don’t wish abuse of any kind on anyone Karma is no joke and Evelyn truly needs to do some serious soul searching.

    • Author

      Yeah. She’s definitely not a sympathetic figure ’cause of all her violent behaviour. Let’s hope this awful event forces her to take a nice, long look at herself and the choices she’s made along the way.

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