The Good Sex Gospel

Over the past six or so months, there has been a slew of articles on how churches are encouraging their married parishioners to have more sex. Or as I like to call it: The Good Sex Gospel.

There was the minister who suggested wives have sex with their husbands every day for a week:

7 straight days of sex. That was the challenge Pastor Ed Young issued to all of the married couples at his Grapevine church. Too taboo, or right on time? Whatever your opinion, this conversation and tonight’s story is strictly for adults.

There was the popular mega church pastor that raised the hackles of his conservative, rural town with his billboards promoting his church’s good sex series:

It’s one thing for a church in a big city like Dallas or Atlanta to tackle the ticklish topic of sex. It blends in with the urban scene.
It’s another thing when a small-town congregation puts up billboards with the phrase “Great sex: God’s way” on rural highways to promote a sermon series. You can’t even legally buy beer in Cullman County, and a preacher is talking about S-E-X on Sunday morning?

And my personal favorite, all the new online Christian sex toy shops that are popping up to help spice of the marital bed:

Pastor Carnell Borden is changing the minds of conservative Christians about a topic usually kept behind closed doors. He says sex is good and God said so. Carnell and his wife don’t just praise the act, they help other loving and devout Christians spice up their bedrooms through ThePureBed.com.

and

Joy Wilson went looking for something to spice up her marriage without compromising her Christian beliefs.
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Finding nothing, she founded her own “sin-free” sex toy business. Book22.com caters to the Christian community with books, toys and occasional advice. The name refers to the Song of Solomon, the extended love poem that forms the 22nd book of the Bible.

On one hand, I praise churches for being sex positive. Preaching that sex is a good (and holy) thing between marrieds is great. However, there tends to be a couple of major issues with this approach:

1. It tends to be male-centered

Much of the “good sex” talk centers on women “giving some” to their husbands. “Just do it” tends to be the mantra of many. There doesn’t seem to be much discussion on why sex isn’t happening in the marriage, just an assumption that it’s all the woman’s fault. Little focus on the quality of the sex and even less focus on the wife’s pleasure.

2. Much of the sex talk reeks of desperation

It’s like many churches are desperate to get butts in the seat or to compete with “the world” for their congregants’ attention. Trying to convince people who have probably heard all of their lives that sex is wrong, dirty and bad or received messages on “don’t do it ’till you’re married” without any discussion on what “do it” entails, seems comical at best and really sad and pathetic at worst.

Maybe if the church focused more on sex positive talk to the youth in their churches, gave them honest and useful information regarding sex and why God wants them to wait then these good sex sermons would seem less like a shock to the system and more like a continuation of the sex positive message folks would have been receiving all of their church lives.

Nice try churches, but you might need to go back to the drawing board on this one.

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