Saying Only a Black Man for Me, Means You’ll be Alone and Lonely

Interracial Dating Needs

Sometimes Interracial Dating is Necessary

From a reader:

I read about that woman at another blog and if THAT is what she feels she has to do in order to find someone then that’s her own choice.

I personally would not take that approach but everyone can/should make their own decisions about how to go about making their goals happen.

Many black women are unpartnered because they fail to understand that “only but a black man” mentality is the VERY REASON why so many of us stay unmarried for most of our lives.

The statistics are quite clear…black women outnumber black men in EVERY major city by six to one.

Ladies, there WILL NOT be one brotha for every sista. It is a mathematical impossibility.

Now that we understand the statistics we realize that we have to expand our options to men of other races. In order to expand our options, we need to become more aware of the norms and expectations that other cultures operate with and NOT assume that what’s okay in the all-black setting will be how everyone is in all settings.

I believe that black women can find love but they need to understand that we have to break out of the fantasy and accept some of the reality. We need to become multicultural in our lives. It is not an option.

I’m not saying you have to go out and date a white man, but some of ya’ll live in predominantly white neighborhoods, work at predominantly white jobs and only see other black people when you hang out with your friends and go to church and we all know most of the people in pews look like you…but ya’ll are still hollering, “Only a black man for me!”

Come on.


Some of ya’ll really have me scratching my head saying WTF?

Look, there is no need to be a martyr for ‘The Cause.’ You don’t get brownie points for “keeping it real” by not dating out of your race. And some of ya’ll are so far gone that you won’t even date men of the diaspora. Some of ya’ll, when you say black, mean Black American and that eliminates Africans, Haitians, Jamaicans and other men of the diaspora.

I know so many women who sit around and complain about the numbers but then don’t want to do anything about it. So many women I know can run down a litany of reasons why brothers are the worst thing since the Bubonic Plague, yet when you mention the idea of them dating out they look at you like you just suggested they become lesbians.

Get with the program. Keep your options open. Go on a date. And see what happens. As we all know time stops for no man and if you’re sitting around talking about, “only a black man for me,” then you might as well be saying, “I’m going to be alone and lonely.”


  1. and1grad 13 years ago

    Totally agree. A lot of black women carry around the fact they only want to date black men as some kind of badge of honor or a tribute to their forefathers. Seems misguided.

  2. 13 years ago

    Hi Tamika! {waves}Wow!Thanks for featuring my comment! I discuss this issue at my blog in the post “Who Even Cares If Broathas Want White Women?” and “Desperately Seeking Wifehood”.It’s time for us to break out of the fantasy bubble.Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!LisaP.S. You can vote for my blog in The Weblog Awards! I am the only sista in my category and right now am in 5th place in the polls!

  3. Vonmiwi 13 years ago

    Spread the news! The anything but a black man is a waste of time. Move on and open up your options. There is variety of men who are available and willing to date Black women. Why settle when you don’t have to?

    Evia has written another wonderful post highlighting one of the main reasons why we should stop. Basically it’s just good old common sense.

    BWBT has already stated in her wonderful blog about the same thing. Check this out:

    Evia does not miss any points. Many black women need to remove this fake loyalty to men who are not loyal to us, we must realize that our happiness is up to us.

  4. Donna 13 years ago

    Okay…so as of right now stop loving fish and start loving dolphins. I am a Black women who prefers Black men. One does not just STOP loving one thing to go to another! We are not in Pre-K and it is not that easy. We have our preferences and I am okay with finding Black men sexy and not wanting to be with any other race. It is not a “fake loyalty” that I have. I dont prefer them because of them….I prefer Black men because of what I find sexy and attractive and comfortable.

    Yes, I am single…no, I am not married…no, I don’t have any children….and yes, I am over 30. I am not waiting for that perfect Black man…they don’t exist. I am paying my mortgage, taking care of myself, travelling, and working hard. I am keeping my eyes open for the Black man that is perfect for me. When the time is right…if that is God’s plan, then what will be, will be.

    I don’t have a problem with Black women dating men of other races…that is their preference and it is okay for THEM. I’s just not for me.

  5. Kourtney 13 years ago

    While this makes mathematical sense, we are talking about dating outside our race as if dating happens in a bubble completely determined by us. In other words:the man of the other race has to agree to dating you. Out of all women, black women are the most highly demonized sexually. We are portrayed by popular media as either overtly sexualized or not feminized at all.
    Many of us are not the “ideal” female i.e. fair skinned, straight, long hair, thin waifs who are subdued, submissive, or all around subordinate. We’re bodacious bold and beautiful in a very different way than most..even asian women and hispanic women can assimilate into the european standard of beauty. Men of other cultures would have an easier time dating these types of women.
    So, the question now becomes: Is dating black men strictly a an option, or the only choice we have?

  6. […] with that said, I still strongly believe black women have to date the men that are available to them and for many sisters that will mean non-black men of color and white men. BUT…I think […]

  7. Montenuank 2 months ago

    [url=]what is the best ed drug[/url]

  8. JamesIcoge 2 months ago

    best place to get cialis without pesricption cialis usa online cialis price per pill

  9. JamesIcoge 2 months ago

    canadian pharmacy natural ed cures prescription drugs

  10. JamesIcoge 2 months ago

    treatment with drugs erectile dysfunction pills erectile dysfunction medications

  11. JamesIcoge 2 months ago

    ivermectin pills over the counter ivermectin cvs ivermectin sheep drench for dogs

  12. JamesIcoge 2 months ago

    average cost of prednisone 20 mg buy prednisone online prednisone 100 mg

  13. JamesIcoge 2 months ago

    prednisone 5084 prednisone 5 mg tablet buy prednisone without a prescription

  14. JamesIcoge 2 months ago

    ivermectin fda ivermectin dose cats side effects of ivermectin

  15. GregoryPew 2 months ago

    canadian online drugs meds online without doctor prescription best ed pills non prescription

  16. GregoryPew 1 month ago

    ivermectin and fluvoxamine pour-on ivermectin for cats what is stromectol used for

  17. GregoryPew 1 month ago

    buy propecia 5mg generic propecia cheap propecia 5 mg for sale

  18. GregoryPew 1 month ago

    buy propecia cheap online cheap propecia pills mail order propecia

  19. GregoryPew 1 month ago

    finasteride tablets buy finasteride no rx where to buy propecia

  20. GregoryPew 1 month ago

    non prescription ed drugs medicine for impotence best ed medication

  21. GregoryPew 1 month ago

    finasteride price buy propecia canada propecia proscar

  22. StromHoata 1 month ago

    stromectol stromectol stromectol 3 mg tablets price

  23. StromHoata 1 month ago

    cheap generic drugs from india india pharmacy without dr prescriptions india pharmacy mail order

  24. StromHoata 1 month ago

    stromectol 12 mg tablets stromectol price usa stromectol for humans for sale

  25. DouglasKak 1 month ago

    sildenafil 100 mg lowest price viagra tablets for men sildenafil 20 mg

  26. DouglasKak 1 month ago

    ivermectin without a doctor prescription stromectol for humans for sale ivermectin without a doctor prescription

  27. DouglasKak 1 month ago

    cialis 20 mg price lowest price tadalafil tadalafil without a doctor’s prescription

  28. DouglasKak 1 month ago

    viagra where to buy sildenafil viagra where to buy

  29. DouglasKak 1 month ago

    tadalafil tadalafil 20 mg buy online tadalafil best price 20 mg

  30. EugeneKam 1 month ago

    stromectol 12 mg tablets stromectol for sale stromectol tablets for humans

  31. EugeneKam 1 month ago

    stromectol for sale stromectol 12 mg tablets ivermectin injectable for cattle

  32. EugeneKam 1 month ago

    stromectol for humans for sale stromectol 12 mg tablets stromectol for sale

  33. Raymondassup 1 month ago

    viagra over the counter walmart sildenafil 100 mg order viagra online

  34. RobertSwido 4 weeks ago

    cialis viagra levitra samples best price for daily cialis best price on cialis

  35. RobertSwido 4 weeks ago

    what\’s works better viagra or cialis? cialis cialis and viagra taken together

  36. hub 4 weeks ago

    Your posts provide a clear, concise description of the issues.

  37. free 4 weeks ago

    Are the issues really as complex as they seem?

  38. hub 4 weeks ago

    With internet full of dupe articles it is nice to find original content like yours thank you so very much.

  39. video 4 weeks ago

    Thanks for sharing the information. I found the information very useful. That’s a awesome story you posted. I will come back to scan some more.

  40. RobertSwido 4 weeks ago

    cialist the yeloow pill generic cialis no prescription paypal cialis canadian pharmacy

  41. hub 4 weeks ago

    I don’t normally comment but I gotta say appreciate it for the post on this one : D.

  42. RobertSwido 4 weeks ago

    cialis over the counter in mexico tadalafil 20mg best price cialis quebec dollars canadien

  43. RobertSwido 4 weeks ago

    cialis 10mg ireland generic version of cialis buy cialis online in australia

  44. RobertSwido 4 weeks ago

    most recommended online pharmacies cialis cheap cialis free shipping cialis no script

  45. Oxygeneo 3 weeks ago

    I really believe you will do well in the future I appreciate everything you have added to my knowledge base.

  46. This information is very important and you’ll need to know this when you constructor your own photo voltaic panel.

  47. tollashi 2 weeks ago

    বাংলা প্রশ্ন উত্তর সাইট তল্লাশি, আজই আপনার সমস্যা নিয়ে প্রশ্ন করুন , অভিজ্ঞ ব্যক্তিগন আপনার প্রশ্নের উত্তর দিয়ে সহযোগিতা করবে । তাছাড়াও অন্যাদের প্রশ্নের উত্তর দিয়ে, জিতে নিন আকর্ষণীয় পুরস্কার । তল্লাশিতে যেকোনো বিষয়ে প্রশ্ন করতে পারেন।।

  48. I imagine so. Very good stuff, I agree totally.

  49. mens active wear 1 week ago

    The post is absolutely great! Lots of great info and inspiration, both of which we all need! Also like to admire the time and effort you put into your blog and detailed information you offer! I will bookmark your website!

  50. cheap rdp client 1 week ago

    I believe you have remarked on some very interesting points , thankyou for the post.

  51. PSM vs CSM 6 days ago

    Thank you, I have just been searching for information about this topic for ages and yours is the greatest I’ve discovered till now. But, what about the conclusion? Are you sure about the source?

  52. fantastic post, very informative. I wonder why more of the ther experts in the field do not break it down like this. You should continue your writing. I am confident, you have a great readers’ base already!

  53. I saw a similar post on another website but the points were not as well articulated.

  54. Have you always been concerned about these issues?

  55. wimbledon live 5 days ago

    Thanks for discussing the issues and covering them in a well written format.

  56. Took me time to read all the comments, but I really enjoyed the article. It proved to be Very helpful to me and I am sure to all the commenters here It’s always nice when you can not only be informed, but also entertained I’m sure you had fun writing this article.

  57. 3abstracts 3 days ago


  58. buy rdp with cc 3 days ago

    Thanks For This Blog, was added to my bookmarks.

  59. I do believe your audience could very well want a good deal more stories like this carry on the excellent hard work.

  60. My coder is trying to convince me to move to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using WordPress on numerous websites for about a year and am nervous about switching to another platform. I have heard great things about Is there a way I can import all my wordpress posts into it? Any help would be really appreciated!

  61. Surprisingly good post. I really found your primary webpage and additionally wanted to suggest that have essentially enjoyed searching your website blog posts. Whatever the case I’ll always be subscribing to your entire supply and I hope you jot down ever again soon!

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published.



We're not around right now. But you can send us an email and we'll get back to you, asap.


©2022 A Big Butt And A Smile. The sex and pop culture magazine and shop.

Log in with your credentials

Forgot your details?