A Freak in the Sheets? Only if You Want to Be

Jennifer Hudson Essence Cover

Freak In The Sheets

Let Your Freak Flag Fly Or Not

While finding a man in the strip club seems to be the most controversial article you will find in the June issue of Essence (spawned at least 3 major responses here, here and here). The one that caught my eye (and ire) is The Body Shop (apparently somebody else didn’t like it either). It was a touted as way to make a man scream you name and instead turned into a story on how some desperate black women will do anything from sexual acrobatics to dangerous butt injects to get keep and marry a black man.

The article didn’t help it’s cause by interviewing some very shallow and narcissistic black men.

The money quotes:

“Back in her early 20s, her man told her point-blank, ‘Your head game is not at all up to par;”

So said young lady enrolled in an oral sex class to improve her skills.

And Maxwell a 33 year old entertainment executive had is 2 cents:

“A woman should be committed to the act,” he asserted. “That’s the only way she’s going from wifey to wife.”


I have no problems with a young woman who who wants to take an oral sex class, or a pole dancing class, or even watch some porn to learn some new tricks, but only if that’s what she wants to do NOT if she’s doing it to get keep or marry a man.

That’s insane.

Last I checked sex is as much about a woman’s pleasure as it is a man’s. Turning oneself into a contortionist to please some trifling, narcissistic shallow ass man (ahem – Maxwell – ahem) is sad, reeks of desperation and is seriously harmful to a woman’s self-esteem.

I don’t know if Essence’s intention was to write an article encouraging women to debase and physically injure themselves all in the hopes of “catching” a man, but that is exactly what The Body Shop is: a step by step guide on how to be some no good man’s sex slave.

And news flash ladies: There is no guarantee that after you finish with your bedroom contortions, all your pole dancing lessons and illegal butt injections, he still won’t leave your ass for a white girl (cue Kanye).

Seriously though, it’s never¬† okay to change who you are – especially sexually – thinking that will make some man stay with you.

It won’t.

And ultimately you will be the sorrier for it, especially if you were doing things you weren’t completely comfortable doing to begin with.

Besides, if any man was serious about you he would approach you in a loving manner to discuss your sex life not tell you to “…study a couple of pornography films on [your] own and try to learn some skills via imitation (Aaron 31, computer programmer) or tell you he won’t marry you because you have a “flat butt” (Brandon 31, entrepreneur).

Sometimes I wonder what the hell many some black men are thinking.


On a side note: Black men need to be the last group of men telling any woman she needs to get her “head game” right. Last I checked there are one too many bothers who couldn’t find the hot spot if you drew their asses a map and with R&B artists singing how they will “kiss you from your neck down to your navel” it’s clear that many brotha is in need of direction in that area. So until black men get their oral sex skills down, they seriously don’t need to worry about sistas having theirs in place.





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